Is it your goal to have a better love life? Improve relationships with family or friends? If so, I’m about to blow your mind! Get ready for it… here is how you improve ANY relationship: you need to love yourself first.
Now you are probably thinking one of two things:
I already DO love myself!
But (insert name of other person here) does (insert annoying habit) all the time, so I really just need advice on how to change them!
If you have an abundance of self-love, then I am so very happy and proud of you! Very few people actually do like themselves and you should also spread the message of loving yourself everywhere you go! If you think the real problem in your relationships is the other person/their irritating habits, then please hear me out.
The only person you can control is you. Often when someone else irritates us it is a reflection of something that we dislike about ourselves.
For example, let’s say your significant other leaves cups all over the home. Why can’t they just put them in the sink??? Why can’t they wash the damn cup??? How am I living with such a cup hoarder??? How inconsiderate of them to not wash the cups after using them so that I can have a clean cup waiting for me!
Sound any sort of familiar? Now turn it around. When your partner is done with a cup, do you really think that they are actively thinking of ways to be inconsiderate to YOU? Or is it that your levels of importance of this action is just not matched?
Now you can ask your partner to please stop doing whatever irritating habit they have or to just “help you out” more. That may “help” the situation every once in a while but most likely the level of importance of this task just isn’t there for your partner so they will forget to “help” you. That’s life.
So what do you do if asking for the habit to change isn’t going to 100% fix the irritation you have? You love yourself.
If you are secure with yourself, you will no longer see the cup being left out as a personal offense to you. You will learn to laugh at the fact that you and your partner have incongruent levels of importance for certain items. You will just continue to collect cups from around the house and move on.
This same application goes for feeling insecure. “What if he leaves me? What if he cheats? My life will fall apart!”
So. What. People do not belong to each other. They choose to be with each other. And when you love yourself the outcome and what if’s don’t matter because you are enjoying your time together now. Instead of causing fights out of fear you are able to just be present and enjoy your partners company.